Sunday, October 2, 2011

hard to handle

this weekend.
hard to handle. for two main reasons
#1. just had a breakdown on my drive home..... i went to conference today (which was awesome) but cried during yamashita's and cook's talk. i love missionaries. i loved being one even more.
i saw sooooo many of my sisters today and it was great. but then it caused my heart to break. i miss it sooooo much. i should be there.
but like i learned too many times today.
God is aware of our suffereing and our purpose is to align ourselves with the lord and His spirit- not the other way around. oh man.
but I cannot help my mind from being upset, angry, and even resentful. my heart is broken. 
it's funny how your heart can break because of family, romance, sin, health, and missing something. i've never hurt with missing something this much before- and that's saying something- i mean i moved around my whole life. the boy i'm in love with has been gone.
but nothing hurts like the longing i have for being a missionary on temple square.
on a positive note- i know how blessed i am. well not the extent prolly but i do realize i'm a daughter of God with many blessings.
it was so amazing to go to conference. sleep at laur's and watch another horrible movie. spend the day with the wilders- especially michael. have dinner with indiana people. have fun with my co-workers. go to the temple. get some good sleep! byu finally played semi-okay and won. but what was best was definitely the Spirit, the love of temple square, and Conference.
in the car! getting pumped! 
what a beautiful site!
excited to hear the apostles! and other disciples of Christ.

#2. working the priesthood session shift at retail is death. period. crazy mormon women come out to throw down the big bucks while their husbands are busy. it's worse than black friday. normally i always remember to request the saturday night off for conference weekend but i'm not in the groove of being back at work yet...... i won't forget next conference. i can promise you that. there is no point in watching saturday session "live" because when you go to work at night you are full of angst, tension, and hate. so it's better to work saturDAY and then have the night off and watch them online. i promise you!

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