Thursday, May 31, 2012

carrying the mission

you know what's hard to understand. the way i remember and carry my mission with me. i loved my mission. all six months of it. i came home exactly one year earlier than i was supposed to.
it's caused a lot of growth and a lot of questions and discussion with God.
i try/tried not to ask "why's?" but more like "help me cope and understand and deal!"
it doesn't make sense that i came home by His will when I was doing His work and loving every minute. but i have a puny human mind. a lot of legit things that are of God don't make sense to me because I am not God.
i decided to let go of my pride. letting go of pride means you trust in His will more than your own.
i've just been reflecting recently on how i share my story with others and how i truly feel inwardly about the mission.
i love talking about it.... with a select few.
some (less than more) of the sisters, my family, chase, some of my besties. that's fine. they get it. i'll talk about it with them. people who genuinely care or want to learn from the situation- they can be let in, too.
and also- it's fine if i just say i served a mission to someone i just met and that's the end of the conversation. i don't really like talking in depth about my mission to people who don't know how it all went down, people who don't know me that well, or even some sisters from the mission- even though they served with the same mission call- our missions were so different.
the temple square mission is a tight group. all the sisters are home and best buds and when we get together, they love to talk about the mission. i feel that the mission is still their life. i used to be like that- but i'm not so much that way anymore. i love the mission. but i love not being on the mission, too. and sometimes there is a still a sting for me in talking about the year that happened after i got sent home. it's too much to tell and i don't really prefer to focus on the fact that i went home early. but it's always there- especially when they remind me so much of it. time has helped. time and the atonement really can heal all wounds.
i've been thinking about this recently because my fbook has been overwhelmed with tsquare happenings, sisters, and newsfeeds. that's great, but it's been strange for me at the same time.
when i got married, i did a fbook clean up (aka deleted hundreds). i changed my name. started over. but all will work itself out. i'm just rambling. chase is at work. i'm sitting here thinking about too much! that's what happens when you're a girl- your mind never turns off. you are never in a "nothing" box. reference some comedian that dallin told me about.
serving a mission is the best. all the heartache is totally outweighed by the joy i have for the opportunity i did have to serve for those six months. if i let myself, the bitterness can cloud the gratitude. but that's the way it is for lots of aspects of our life. i choose to focus on the blessings of serving. i choose to focus on the good reminders.

the 10 best blessings of serving
1. truly saw selfless service and the message of the gospel bless complete strangers that became loved ones
2. came closer to my Savior and Heavenly Father
3. became a gospel scholar and have kept that fire alive in studying and learning
4. the ripple effects and small blessings i STILL find in my everyday life. it hasn't stopped and it never will. 
5. kept me safe and in love with chase
6. i can relate to chase, taylor, and other missionaries more. i know it's a commandment of God for every worthy, eligible young man to serve a full-time mission. it's important to back up what you say by what you do and did.
7. the temple has become an even bigger part of my heart and life. i loved serving at temple square and i love serving at the temple today!
8. i know and remember that the plan of salvation is all that matters
9. i made great friends in great sisters and companions
10. living my life as an RM makes me double check and re-think what i'm about to do and stop those almost mistakes. it helps me remember who i was, who i am, and what i should be doing!

the happiest 9 acres in the world

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