Thursday, October 25, 2012

love songs (aka some are really hate songs! hahah)

one of my favorite things about taylor swift is that she really writes what she knows! i admire her courage to put herself on paper and on a melody for the whole world to hear OVER and OVER again on the radio. she knows millions will be singing about her life- that might be too vulnerable for me. but blogging is not. i really love taylor swift. that is why i spent an hour in the car today driving to the radio station to pick up her new cd.
you see yesterday i was driving home from the gym and they said call with the answer to what year "dust on the bottle" came out and so i looked it up on my phone, memorized the phone number to call, and called them! still managed to be first! i still have the jingle of 866-551-1015 in my head for memorizing their number! that's the number for 101.5 (my fav utahn country station) in case you ever need to call them up!
so i won!
they put me on hold after they told me i won and i sped home hoping to catch it on the radio with chase! i busted through the door and started screaming his name. poor guy was sleeping and he woke up with a jolt- thinking i was endangered. then a couple minutes later we heard me answer correctly on the radio! that's enough fame for me. i've never been keen on the idea of being a household name- too much for my little heart and shoulders to handle i imagine! anyways. so we danced around the room! chase really like taylor swift, too, surprisingly- has since his high school days! new songs to fall in love with!!! and i probably only saved $3 rather than just buying the cd......when you think of the gas i spent to get the free one! but it was worth it! i enjoyed a relaxing drive, picked up my first radio win ever, and drove back reflecting! jamming out to RED!!!
it made me reflect on what my songs would sound like if i wrote about every boyfriend i ever had. i actually haven't had that many boyfriends. i'd say i really have only had 3 but technically i've probably had 5 (i say 5 because if i told my parents they were my boyfriend then i guess that's legit.) but only 3 bf that had real romance.
and how many boys have i "dated"??? (whatever that loose term means- i'm not even going to try to count that.) I was really great at flirting, dating, and reeling boys in. but (in college especially) i wasn't so great at making that leap to label someone my boyfriend. it was hard to narrow down when byu had such a plethora! when i did have a boyfriend- the reason they ended up being my boyfriend were hardly ever bright, courageous, loving reasons.

Boyfriend #1- how did we take that leap? jealousy
we had been best friends for a while and he started dating this girl. i didn't like him with another girl. so i said i'd rather date him then see him date her.  that's what love is about. (8th grade- jokes) hahaha. but over time i did actually develop some romance but really..... our friendship was just really strong. it wasn't love, but it was a good learning experience.

Boyfriend #2- why?  revenge and loneliness.
well remember boyfriend #1? well, boyfriend#1 and i dated for a couple years. then i moved across the world away from him. we tried to do long distant for like 1.8 seconds when he "cheated" on me. it wasn't a big shocker. i knew we were over when i moved away in the first place. but it was still a shot to my pride so i jumped into another relationship with boyfriend #2 to stick it to boyfriend #1 when he was trying to get me back. why did i try to live in a dramatic soap opera? oh my.
and i was lonely at my new high school- so there you go! it lasted a couple weeks. shocker!

Boyfriend #3- why? revenge.
our first date was actually to stick it to his ex-girlfriend [we both had beef with her for our own reasons.] then it took off from there. hahaha. all healthy you see! 2 years and one big heart break later- he's dunzo!
my one and only real glimpse at "love" until Chase walked into my life and blessed it like no other!

Boyfriend #4- why? sympathy.
the biggest mistake of my life thus far i'd say. he was a big jerk. but his sister had just been murdered. we were co-workers. i was there. that was the craziest month of my life. you can't change people. you can't heal people. leave that to Deity.
good riddance. 

Boyfriend #5- why? i was broken. he was there for me.
this was the best blessing of my whole life. this is my husband :) Chase! he helped me find my anchor in Christ, understand the pain of Boyfriend #4, helped me smile again, and was the best friend I coulda asked for! he was an answer to my prayers! my parents prayers! God truly was merciful and so amazing to give me the best blessing in the world right when I was so down in the dumps! We started dating- i was vulnerable, broken, and my heart was ready for him! I was through with the Provo buffet dating style for a while and my heart was ready for someone as caring, sincere, and incredible as Chase.
Like I said, it's hard for me to give my heart away- but i'm grateful for everything that happened to me to be available for Chase! All the boyfriends and friendly boys- all sunk costs that paid off- "God blessed the broken road that led me straight to you!" I'm undeserving and so grateful! I was ready and experienced enough with jerks to know that i wouldn't EVER take him for granted! Chase going on his mission was hard but it helped me really stand on my own two feet! Helped me realize that being in love with your best friend is the best way! and i plan to continue to always remember who and what we have!

This is tmi but that's what i want my blog to be here for! a blog is enough for me! i can't imagine putting it on the radio.
p.s. i'm listening to "The Last Time" and i think it's one of my new favorite songs. i love duets! i'm obsessed with them- i think dallin pointed that out to me and lauryn once way back when. we LOVE duets!
now if i could just get chase to sing a public duet with me :) hahah jk..... it's enough that he belts duets with me in the car and at home!
Being a wife is the best chapter yet and I finally know what true love is! real, unconditional, eternal, enveloping, overwhelming, strong love!!!! I love you, Chase. 
Oh T swift! you inspire me to embrace my life: past, present, and future (she is T Swift: I can't say Taylor because the real Taylor is back! i'll be seeing him tomorrow!!!) It's been great skyping him and talking to him on the phone and on facebook and etc! Any WAY till i can really talk to him in person!

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