Wednesday, October 2, 2013

12 days with the best mom!!

I first must blog about my amazing mother. I'm getting choked up just thinking of her. I am so grateful she could come for the birth and stay for TWELVE days to help me! My love for her has grown even more the past couple weeks and I'm even more proud that Capri's middle name is her name! Also, I must thank my dad and Texas family for allowing her to come and holding down the fort so she can leave. It's important to acknowledge my dad- he takes such good care of us and he doesn't even think twice about letting mom be with me for that long while he works, teaches seminary, cares for the chillens, and is mom/dad while mom is here.
I was sometimes unsure of what I should do or what my mom should be doing while she was here. I wanted to take on as much as I could while she was here so I wouldn't be too overwhelmed and a fish outta water when she left. She was a great companion, especially while Chase was back at school and away! It was so nice having two people doing what I'm doing alone now. I hope my mom felt her time was worth every second she was here because I loved every day and night (emphasis on both!) When Capri was awake from 10 pm- midnight, my mom took that shift and then in the morning from around 9 am-11 am, my mom would take Capri and let me sleep. Those two stretches of sleep with no noises- what a blessing! I tried to have Capri to myself at nights so I would know what it's like- I think I've officially learned how to cope and function on being tired all the time. I am so happy to be living the life of a full-time mom. It's surreal, hard, and so rewarding! I love being Capri's mom so much. And when I look at her- I see a symbol of all the love Chase and I have and all the love we have to give. We love her so much and think she is our perfect angel! 
Ok back to my mom's praise. She's amazing. Cleaning, cooking, babysitting, chatting, running errands with me- she was amazing. No burden at all! She took the burden off me! I love you so much, Mom! Thank you for everything! esp everything since little Capri arrived.
The most important part of her staying with me was definitely emotional support. I'm about to share something that is hard to explain and I was going to avoid it, but that's not really my style so here I go. Basically, the first week home from the hospital, I would cry [like clock work] between 6 pm and midnight. Not the whole time. But the emotions would come over me throughout that time. Why was I crying? WHO KNOWS! I tried to find answers. The emotions (hormones) were so strong and it seems this may be what pepes call- postpartum. I thought postpartum had to do with loneliness, overworked, frustration with your baby, weird thoughts about your baby- my "postpartum" is nothing like that. I wasn't expecting it like this. Mine feels like that feeling you have the night before you have a big trip and you get anxious about riding in an airplane. or you are going to enter the mtc tomorrow and you feel nervous. or you wanna have a good cry because you haven't in a while. It's strange. Nothing was wrong. Nothing needed to be fixed. I would just cry. In hindsight, I actually think it had a lot to do with the anticipation of knowing my mom was leaving me soon. Because last night and right now, I feel the emotions but have enough grip to not let myself cry. It's less intense. I was worried about coping without my mom- but I'm doing it, I feel sane, and it's going splendidly. 
Anywho- these overpowering emotions- it's quite annoying to me because I almost feel like I don't know who I am or who this chick is that is sooo emotional. It's not like me and it scares me. But every night that passes, the feelings get less intense and I slowly feel myself getting back to my normal self. It's been quite frustrating to Chase but he has been a champ. The best remedy is to hold Capri while Chase holds me. The love I feel with my little family really calms me. And my mom- I really appreciate the emotional support. My mom always knew just what to say- she is the logic in my head and can always talk me down. I hope this doesn't happen with every baby, but it's a small price to pay I suppose. 
My girl Audrey is coming over tonight. Tonight is Chase's first night back to work since the baby- and he was asking me to invite someone over for this time of night but I told him 'no, but I will if it happens again.' And next thing I know Audrey is asking me to hang out tonight- well alrighty then. i'm sure she is having some anxiety, too- because her due date is this month with her first baby! I can't wait to meet the lil guy!!
I have never really had anxiety, but that's what I'm calling it because from what people have told me- this must be it. 
Also, I shouldn't be such a baby bc I have been recovering great and have sooooo many blessings it's crazy. One blessing- when talking with my mom- it's way diff than when she'd fly out to help shelby with her babies. bc shelbs had a c-section. I have never been so grateful than during this recovery time that I didn't have to endure a c-section. My sister is strong! 
Oh P.S.- the scale at my house says I've lost 35 lbs already. The one at my in-law's says 30. At Capri's 2 week appointment on Friday, I will sneak over and get on the doc's scale (that's the one I'm used to anyway) and check how much I've officially lost! I know I'll be happy because I can already see 90% of what I want to see. I still have some way to go but my self-esteem is up by how much has fallen off AND once i can hardcore exercise- watch out!! also, side note: my feet look cute again. I didn't even know I cared that much about my feet, but my ankles, feet, and calves look like a whole new me! hahaha. 
P.P.S. I'm excited for Conference this weekend!! And to spend it at my in-laws, take in all the spiritual messages, and feel the love of family! 
Ok well I have a TON of pics. surprise surprise. they're the best part about blog posts anyways! So here you go- enough chit chat and more oooohhing and awwwing. 
And I better hurry bc little Capri has been snoozing for three hours and it can't last much longer! Hurry go!!

 I feel like Capri has a ton of different looks! I tried to narrow down all the single shots I'd share of her but there are still so many! She's just a doll. And her hair feels like a koala bear. I love it!

 This pic is funny bc my mom had just changed her diaper and she didn't appreciate it. And she stayed like this for the next five minutes- I seriously think she was bitter and scowling. Adorable!
 She's always doing this blue steel look!
 She's even more gorgeous when she is wide awake and her eyes are open! and she looks different when her eyes are open! It's more common the last couple days- she doesn't sleep as much and it's such a treat. She is beautiful!
my in-laws are back from New Zealand, so we went up there last night! Great-grandma Hanks got to hold Capri for the first time and she was elated. She kissed her and got scolded by Julie- that was cute. No germs for Capri, please! And Grandma told me that Capri is her baby. "She's mine. she's mine." 
I'll fight ya for her!I think I'd win! 
Let's just share.
Four generations right there! Precious moments.
 These two double their grandbabies (2-->4) and we couldn't be happier!
and this is Nathan. Ciara's boyfriend. He's been with us for almost two years and i love all the memories!! He's leaving a week from today on his mission and we're gonna miss him so much. I AM going to miss him so much! He is a member of the family, the sweetest little bro, and treats Ciara like a queen. We love him and are so proud of him for this great chapter he's about to embark on! I'm glad we got a pic of him holding Capri! Next pic she'll be two years old and maybe Nathan will be able to grow a beard! Trippy! 
 A happy mommy and a funny expression on Capri's face.
I've decided I don't like head accessories really. I have a thousand- so that's fantastic. I just feel like they hide her beautiful hair and give her a headache (ha! but really!). and they're one more thing to keep track of. I'll come around- I'm sure!
 Capri has lots of friends! This is her new bff Jane. But Capri isn't a very good friend right now- always falls asleep when her friends are trying to play with her.
 Going on walks always settles Capri down and Mommy too. (so do vacuums, car rides, running water, and eating of course)
 we did tummy time for the first time this morning and she liked it! for about 10 minutes!!
 Chase calls her our exorcist baby. This is how she's sleeping right now in her pack-n-play!. She loves it though! I like having her sleep in the boppy bc it avoids side/bend sleeping!

and my newest fav pic of the little babe. Ciara captured this at the perfect moment last night. What an angel!


Rick S said...

So many fine fine pictures of Capri and definitely loved the last one with her cute smile...what is she dreaming about?

Rick S said...

her papa schroedter loves her so much already too!

Kelly said...

love love her! cant wait to see her again!!

Mom said...

Thank you for all your kind words. I miss being there with you all but know you are a good mommy!! Love that little angel, Capri!!

Kerri Andersen said...

jane's like "hello friend? wake up!" haha. hey can i bring you dinner tomorrow and hang out for a bit while jeff and chase are at work? i remember how hard the adjustment was having my mom leave! i had a little bit of anxiety too when i thought about not having someone wait on my hand and foot! haha but it really does work out and you end up surprising yourself :) anyways...text me if you are ok with e coming over tomorrow!