Friday, November 8, 2013

the good with the bad

I have had a lot of time to think lately because nobody replies to me when I talk out loud (most mothers talk to their babies right? how else do the babies learn to talk? anywho. I narrate my actions all day: "oh well isn't this a poopy diaper. i'm changing your poopy diaper. now for a wipe. another wipe....." you get the picture.) My point is is that I've been thinking a lot. A lot lately about why I love being a mom and why I sometimes love it a little less.

The 10 Realistic Facts that are less loved:
1. I am tired. It's a new fact of my life. I accepted it around week 2 and decided not to complain or mention it anymore. The sleeping queen has been put away for the next 18-30 years depending on how many babies I can pop out.
2. My irritable level with chase is higher than normal but the main cause is the tired factor.
3. When I just finished shaving one leg in the shower and the baby screams and you gotta embrace no shave november half way.
4. The pile of poopy diapers that collect at the back door and I only dispose of them once a day. An 8-10 diaper pile is kinda gross but funny at the same time.
5. Not having the same tasks and life sched as chase anymore is a weird adjustment. We both used to be doin work and school together. But let's be honest- i love being graduated more than I miss it. It's just an adjustment with Chase and mine relationship and the roles we now have.
6. I've already sensed some judgment from others either about being a mom, a young mom, a mom with a husband still in school, a mom who doesn't want to be a thriving entrepreneur from home, etc. If only they felt and knew what my life is all about. I pity the fool.
7. Worrying about money became more real
8. Capri on Medicaid makes me feel guilty since our country is in so much debt already. But chuck and uvu don't offer insurance. And I justify- we pay our taxes.
9. Having to plan life around breast feeding and pumping to leave the house. Literally takes two hours to prepare to leave the house for grocery shopping, church, presidency meeting, exercising, etc.
10. And these are all petty but they are still real. The bad can't even compete with the good but i like to tell the truth.

Switch gears- let's share the good, the great, the best:
1. Capri reminds me how much God loves me and how much we should show god love. An incredible miracle.
2. I have found my calling- I remember at 16 and getting my patriarchal blessing and being told that being a mother would be my main calling in life. And then realizing I was supposed to come home and I wasn't supposed to die on my mission so I could be a mother here on earth. I feel it to be true without a doubt even more so now!
3. The only truly pure souls on this earth are babies (all those shy of 8 yrs old). It's such a contrast with this less than perfect world. Hold Capri- you'll see it in her eyes.
4. I feel the power of our family sealing every day so strongly
5. All her many facial expressions keep me so entertained
6. I love being able to stay home and am grateful chase is going to school while still providing so we can stay out of debt
7. During those personal moments in the night when I'm feedin and rocking her, I feel like Capri and I are all alone, the world is still, and my heart is so content.
8. Family scripture study and prayer feels even more important now with her here and we actually remember to do it EVERY night
9.  I love hearing people say she looks just like me
10. She seriously feels like my very own cute doll I can dress up and she actually reacts back. It's not pretend.
11. She's on a schedule now and I get excited by all the new things she can do like only an over observant and obsessed mom would. It's funny how it's a big deal that she can hold things as of two days ago and no longer gets so crossed eyed when staring at things.
12. Knowing she's healthy. She eats well. Poops well (you don't realize how important that is till you see a constipated baby or know the pains of a digestive diseases). She sleeps amazing. And she is so smart already.
13. Seeing the person I love the most love our little girl so fiercely. Chase is a beautiful dad.
14. She's been smiling for chase multi-daily for over two weeks but the three times she's smiled for me were still just as magical!
15. Bath time is her favorite and she's so curious about what is happening! It's fun when we bath together and we sing & splash!
16. I remember being nervous about having that maternal love or if I'd feel fulfilled as a stay at home mom- I'm happy that all those nerves are totally absent.
17. I love having babies at the same time as my girlfriends! So much we can relate on! and play dates.
18. She is the cutest and I do love her wild hair.
19. I love how I know her different cries and what and when she needs things.
20. I am glad I can tell her I went to college and lived such a full life before I got married and before we had her. I have no regrets or remorse that all I do these days is spend my day with her. It's the perfect chapter.
21. When I'm dancing and she just stares at me like I'm nuts- soon she'll be up on her feet and shaking her booty with me!
22. Feeling blessed that my body elasticated back into shape. I actually think it looks kind of cool that I have this flat, firm belly with bear claws on them. It's bizarre but kind of honorable in my mind! And now that the doc gave me the thumbs up to work out hardcore- happy day! Working out helps with all irritability and exhaustion! Funny how exuding more energy (via exercise) gives you more energy and endorphins. I've worked out every day this week! And today I will go for a 2 mile straight run at the indoor track! let's pray i can endure!
23. when she's crying and i don't even pick her up, but i just talk to her from across the room and she quiets down and dozes back to sleep. in addition, when i bore my testimony on sunday she was in a deep slumber and chase said when i spoke into the microphone- she woke up and looked around. precious!
24. when i put her to sleep and miss her like crazy.
25. knowing my whole family (minus the fam of the sister- i miss her even more now that i'm a mom too and she's literally on the other side of the country these days) will be here in 2 weeks for her blessing and the thanksgiving holiday (and i'm quitting my job that weekend, too.) fam and friends will be gathered. capri will be blessed with the priesthood power! chase will be relaying the blessing. it will be glorious! then turkey feast! family fun! the thanksgiving list will be oh so extra long this thanksgiving!

And some pics for the road (aka for your stationary butt on the couch)....
 Our smiley girl. And she's too young for the bumbo, but I can't take a hint. Hahaha. Her watching me prepare dinner in that position lasted for a bout 5 minutes.
 This is the longest fall I've ever experienced in Utah! Today we spent some of this perfect temp weather on the lawn in the glorious sun. Don't worry I kept Capri in my shadow except for this pic :) and Chase was perusing the newborn pics we got in the mail today from our other friend named Chase who took them. I'll post those next. 

 She seems less than impressed with my pic obsession but she'll come around... or resent me.
 and the best pic for last. the reason it is the best is bc when i text it to dave (my father-in-law) this was his text back...... "Looks like Mylie Cyrus on stage. Now all she needs to do is be torqing."
Hahahahah idk if he knows what tWERKing is and furthermore, my daughter will never twerk. she's too pure. 
and i, too, thought of miley's tongue face obsession when i realized i captured capri with her tongue in this way. hahahaha. 

No comments: