Thursday, June 19, 2014

This song

Oh my word!!! Everytime this song comes on, I start laughing hysterically and belting along. 

Right from the start, you were a thief,
You stole my heart and
I your willing victim
I let you see the parts of me
That weren't all that pretty.
And with every touch
You fixed them.

Now, you've been talking in your sleep
Oh oh, things you never say to ME
Oh oh, tell me that you've had enough
Of out Love, our Love.

Just give me a reason, 
Just a little bit's enough
Just a second, we're not broken
Just bent we can learn to LOVE again.
Oh, it's in the stars, 
It's been written in the scars on our hearts
We're NOT broken
Just bent we can learn to love again.

I'm sorry I don't understand where
All of these is coming from.
I thought that we were fine,
(Oh, we had everything)
Your head is running wild again
My dear, WE still have everything
And it's all in your MIND.
(Yeah, but this is happenin')
You've been having real bad dreams
Oh oh, used to lie so close to me
Oh oh, there's nothing more than empty sheets
Between our love , our love
Ooooh, our love, our love.

Just give me a reason, 
Just a little bit's enough
Just a second, we're not broken
Just bent we can learn to LOVE again.
Oh, I never stopped
It's still written in the scars on my heart
You're NOT broken
Just bent and we can learn to love again.

Oh, tear ducts and rust
I'll fix it for us
We're collecting dust,
But our love's enough.
You're holding it in,

You're pouring a drink
No, nothing is as bad as it seems.
We'll come clean!!........

This is personal but i think we can all just embrace that.
I've been through a lot in the last year with my hormones. Very sick pregnancy. Welcoming an infant. Lack of sleep. Adjusting to post-baby life. Another pregnancy. Miscarriage. Getting back to normalcy again. Normalcy is a joke of word to me at this point bc what does it really mean?
My fav line of the above lyrics is the guy telling the girl that she has been having real bad dreams (bad dreams can really mess with my view of reality and trust.)
My dreams have really been crazy with each pregnancy. That's one of the reasons I knew I was pregnant the second time- I started having morbid, unfaithful, horrifying dreams.... again.

I was talking to my friend (name withheld bc I didn't ask for permission to share this) and we crack up because our husbands think that they each have the craziest wife out there. But really our husbands just see all of us and most people see our tamed, cordial side (if you can believe that. even my bestest friend, mother, or father haven't seen all of my crazy that Chase has embraced.)

Annie (diff friend) and I were talking about how we both went from school full-time and working multiple jobs to ---> graduating, quitting our jobs, and becoming stay-at-home moms ALL AT ONCE. We went from an intense out-of-the home life to a solitary life of motherhood cold turkey. It was an abrupt change and I've been more lonely than I care to admit and subconsciously that has caused me to lash out.

Yes, I have many girl friends, mom dates, and home visitors. But having 5-10 hours a week of social interaction vs. 90-100 hours is quite the jump. I LOVE being a stay-at-home mom. It just happens to be that the timing coincided with other chapters ending.
This big life change has been at the stem of a lot my emotional problems. Hormonal or environmental- either way I have been a nut job at times!

Chase knows just how to deal with my mental cracks. This song cracks me up so much because the woman is being an extremist and a drama queen (sound like anyone you know?). The man is trying to show her the light and reason with her. Welcome to the last year of any argument in my house. Poor chase. But also poor me. It has felt like my life was controlled by my emotions. Yikes.
I will not be on object that is acted upon!! I dislike victims! But it's been a battle.
The gospel in our life has been a true anchor.

Tuesday, Annie and I were also talking about how drama has NO place in a marriage. My whole adolescence and college experience was fueled by drama.
I loved the rush, the adrenaline, and thinking my life was so important and crazy.
But a marriage without drama is stable, peaceful, loving, and secure. I prefer those adjectives!
I'm not going to put pregnancies off just bc the crazy in me is more prominent.
I am just maturing and taking this transition with strides. I can squash fights, think logically, and resist the drama!

Being married is a hoot. Mixing kids into that formula is even more outrageous!
I am so grateful for little Capri, her dad & my husband, and all of our bonding experiences! Let's see how the next baby throws us more curve balls (p.s. i am NOT pregnant. just clarifying that.)

1 comment:

Megan and Nick said...

I heard that song for the first time last summer when I was preggers, and I completely broke down crying the car. (Yay pregnancy hormones!) It wasn't the cute kind of crying either. We're talking mucus and dripping mascara here... :) Great song!